The Enchanted Forest and an indulgent weekend

Last weekend we went up to Pitlochry and stayed in the very quaint Moulin hotel (3/4 mile from Pitlochry). It sells an amazing selection of real ales and whiskies and the food is delicious (proper Gastropub meals at very reasonable prices and portion sizes are good).  They also have their own microbrewery across the road.

While we were there we revisited The Queens View, The Soldier's leap at Killiecrankie and spent Saturday night wandering round the spectacular Enchanted Forest at Faskally Woods. It's been running for a few years now and every October, they place lights and art installations round the forest and pipe eerie music out as you walk round. It does get busy, even though the entry times are staggered, and at some stages, we felt a little claustrophobic but I think its just due to everyone getting off the bus at the same time and walking in the same direction. As the time wore on, the crowds lessened and people were milling around different areas.
Its definitely worth checking out if you are in the area.

Unfortunately I didn't have a tripod with me so ended up getting better photos with my iphone! Although they don't really do it much justice!

After a weekend of a few drams, ales and lots of yummy calorific food like fish pie and blueberry cranachan, I decided yesterday to embark on a sugar free diet. So far it's not been too bad. I've not had any particular cravings but I'm sure that may change during the month! It makes sense to try and limit my sugar intake given the effect it has on my fatigue with the blood sugar levels. It does make it a bit easier though if I can substitute my chocolate and desserts for something else so I'm going to have a look and see what substitute recipes I can come up with.

Teenage skin at 30 something...

It's been a problem for me since the age of 13 and still twenty years on, I'm cursed with blemish prone skin. It's linked to hormones, the fact both my parents suffered from acne and my sensitive combination skin which reacts to a lot of products. It also takes a lifetime to heal.

I have to say that now I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin generally in terms of looks, weight etc. and have learned to accept my acne (as unattractive as it is). However I still can't bear the thought of leaving the house make up free. To me that's my worst nightmare!

Over the years I've tried changes in my diet, antibiotics and various potions that chemists, GP's and alternative practitioners have given me (some of which have been pretty scary and taken layers of skin off) to no avail. The one thing that did work very well was Dianette contraceptive pill but I couldn't stay on that forever and when i came off it, my skin really flared up. It's very hard at this age trying to find products that tackle the blemishes while moisturising ageing skin...

I have found some products I really like however and do seem to make a bit of a difference although they are not a particularly preventive measure.

The Freederm range seems to be pretty effective at reducing redness and inflammation and I have just started using the overnight serum which is promising. Korres are a Greek company that I have dipped in and out of over the years. They are a little expensive though. Korres had a store in Edinburgh which unfortunately closed over the last few years so I buy online now and Liz Earle's products are a cut above but due to frugal times, I can't always afford to shop there. Always a good product to have on your birthday and Christmas list though!

Wonky immune system

The last few days I've been doing a lot of reading about auto-immune conditions and how ME/CFS could be categorised as one.

Basically one school of thought is that ME/CFS sufferers have an overactive immune system and that's the reason we feel so tired, because our bodies are on red alert, constantly thinking that there is an invader that needs to be killed off. To me it makes a lot of sense. This is an article from a few years ago and the issues surrounding improvement in symptoms during pregnancy (the immune system is suppressed during pregnancy) , the role of stress in developing ME, as well as triggering a relapse and how an overactive immune system can cause a myriad of symptoms like inflammation, IBS, intolerances and allergies. Exercise boosts the immune system so its no wonder that this can be bad for us...

I have a cold at the moment and so my ME is pretty bad. One funny symptom I get when I have the cold or a virus, is itchiness all over; a bit like a creepy crawly, restless feeling. Again probably a histamine response triggered by a wonky immune system. I wont get into too much jargon but the mast cells are connected to the histamine response and are thought to play quite a big role in ME/CFS as discussed here. Its also encouraging to see the results of the Rituximab trial and the further trials that are likely to take place.

In terms of what helps me, I find it very difficult to have time to rest (something that's extremely important with this illness) but with a preschooler and house to look after, part time job and friends to keep up with (that's vital for my sanity ha ha!) , its difficult to make  'me' time. What does help though is 'activity switching'. I ensure that I am only doing something for a certain period of time i.e.watching tv or going on the laptop, which I call a 'brain' activity. I will switch after a while and do something like washing the dishes or emptying the washing machine, which is a 'physical' activity. As I said before I'm lucky to only be mildly affected so not being able to rest regularly on a daily basis is not such a big loss to me now, although I'm fairly sure it would help! Most nights that I come home from work I'm no use for anything except my bed!

I'm determined that I will recover fully though. Next month it will be 11 years since I first became unwell and although its been a slog, I have made a massive improvement with my health. Back in November 2002 I was stuck in my bed for weeks on end struggling to walk through to the bathroom for the dizziness and couldn't focus on people outside the window due to the blurred vision and floaters in my eyes. The exhaustion was unbearable and I cried lots especially when the GP dismissed it as a virus and told me I needed to get back to work... The headaches, GI symptoms, palpitations and muscle twitches worried me enough at times that I wasn't sure I would make it through the night. Thinking back it's like some awful nightmare and was a massive strain on my very new relationship. But I got through it (and stayed with my boyfriend - now husband!). Reading the books on recovery from ME/CFS and the stories online were and still are a big inspiration.

Here are some ideas to help you. Good luck!

Celebrities and recovery

This week Martine McCutcheon has 'revealed' that she has had a seven year battle with ME and depression but from the sounds of it she's recovered. While I'm pleased to hear that she is well again, unfortunately she hasn't told us HOW she recovered which is frustrating for the estimated 250,000 people suffering from ME/CFS in the UK.  This sounds all too familiar... over the years I've read about celebs who have suffered from chronic fatigue and got well again but never shared their secret to recovery. This list  however does mention some of the celebrities affected and what approaches they have used. I can't help but feel that the availability of money and time contribute significantly to most of their recoveries... One sufferer also mentioned this week in the news although not quite so famous (yet!) is Malcolm McKay, a writer from Stornoway who has won the top crime writer award in Scotland. His illness has prevented him from working or going to uni so it's a pretty amazing feat to have written a novel and sends hope to others.

To the ignorant or ill informed lay person (or professional for that matter) reading Martine's article I don't think it gives a very good insight into how severe and debilitating ME/CFS symptoms can be. I always find it frustrating that someone in her position could use her fame to spread awareness and understanding of an illnes, that still after all these years, is misunderstood. But it appears that she would prefer to promote herself and discuss her return to singing...

Next week I start my ME specific yoga class which I'm looking forward to and I have my follow up Consultant appointment, when I should get the results of my autoimmune tests and hopefully be referred to the ME/CFS rehab service. In the meantime, I came across another free ME/CFS self help website, which was promoted on Phoenix Rising. I've posted a link to it under the links section of the page. It seems to make a lot of sense and I feel I can incorporate some of the approaches related to nutrition, exercise and rest into my own recovery.

I've been buzzing around tonight but came across a nice little article with ways to relax....

New Boots

So this was a casual outfit to go round to a friends for a movie night. I'd bought some new ankle boots from New Look that I was desperate to wear so I teamed them with a pinafore style dress that i got from Urban Outfitters a few years ago and since the autumnal nights are here, I put a denim shirt (Oasis) over it with a leopard print scarf. Think I hit a few trends - #darkflorals #ankleboots #leopardprint

The last camp of the year

Last weekend was our final camping trip due to Autumn setting in and the temperature gauge dropping. Although it was chilly, previous trips to Glencoe in March when there were icicles forming on the tent during the night have warned us of the dangers of going ill-prepared, so we took our thermal long johns and down sleeping bags and were very toasty! We met some friends and stayed in a campsite in Alyth in Perthshire (five roads caravan park);

The owner and facilities were great. Its a small campsite and set up mainly for statics and caravans but has space for a few tents. The only downside was the lack of a camping shelter, as we found out on Sunday morning when the heavens opened and there was nowhere to cook our bacon and egg!
If you are not into cooking al fresco then its worth visiting 'the traditional fish and chip shop in Alyth'. The best fish supper I've had in a long time!

We also took a day trip to 'Active Kids' in Stanley on the Saturday; a farm park with lots of trampolines, slides and a few farmyard animals. It was reasonably priced and the boy enjoyed it but I've been to other farm parks which have impressed me a bit more in terms of rides and the size of the park, although from memory, they have been more expensive...

So the camping equipment has been packed away for the year but I have to say i'm looking forward to Autumn. I do enjoy the change in seasons although this is always the time when my health dips. I'm never sure whether it's partly psychological as this is the time of year when I first became unwell (and had my bad relapse last year) so perhaps it holds a negative association for me. But I refuse to be apprehensive about it. This year I'm going to embrace the crisp cold mornings, look forward to the steaming mugs of hot chocolate and crunch through the fallen leaves in my wellies with my boys :)

No room for spontaneity

Well I did something really silly. I went out and had a few drinks... I thought that I could be 'normal' for the one night, you know the way that other people are after they finish work on a Friday and as I had been feeling somewhat better with my ME, I took a chance. Oh did I pay for it. I was completely wiped out on Saturday and the last few days my head has felt like it's stuffed with cotton wool, the dizziness returned and my temperature gauge has been completely erratic. So I've taken a few steps back again but I'm hoping that a return to pacing, lots of sleep and healthy eating will help me get back on course. I hope...

It's tough to think back to a great deal of my twenties when all my friends and colleagues were off having exciting adventures and going on fabulous nights out that I would either not go to at all or tag along knowing full well that i couldn't keep up with the pace (although I would try and pretend that I could) and would feel absolutely horrendous for days if not weeks afterwards.

Although I have a lot to be grateful for (in the main my ME has been fairly mild) it still robs you of your life. There are lots of things I would have liked to have done, places I wanted to go and stuff that I missed out on by being so consumed by my every symptom and the consequences of certain behaviour.

However I believe that without getting unwell, I wouldn't have pursued the career path I have chosen and shifted my thinking to look at life in the way I do now which, despite my rant above, is actually pretty positive!

I know myself that to be as well as I possibly can, I should live within my limits but surely sometimes you have to break out of that box....