No room for spontaneity

Well I did something really silly. I went out and had a few drinks... I thought that I could be 'normal' for the one night, you know the way that other people are after they finish work on a Friday and as I had been feeling somewhat better with my ME, I took a chance. Oh did I pay for it. I was completely wiped out on Saturday and the last few days my head has felt like it's stuffed with cotton wool, the dizziness returned and my temperature gauge has been completely erratic. So I've taken a few steps back again but I'm hoping that a return to pacing, lots of sleep and healthy eating will help me get back on course. I hope...

It's tough to think back to a great deal of my twenties when all my friends and colleagues were off having exciting adventures and going on fabulous nights out that I would either not go to at all or tag along knowing full well that i couldn't keep up with the pace (although I would try and pretend that I could) and would feel absolutely horrendous for days if not weeks afterwards.

Although I have a lot to be grateful for (in the main my ME has been fairly mild) it still robs you of your life. There are lots of things I would have liked to have done, places I wanted to go and stuff that I missed out on by being so consumed by my every symptom and the consequences of certain behaviour.

However I believe that without getting unwell, I wouldn't have pursued the career path I have chosen and shifted my thinking to look at life in the way I do now which, despite my rant above, is actually pretty positive!

I know myself that to be as well as I possibly can, I should live within my limits but surely sometimes you have to break out of that box....