What I've been doing #2

Socialising

Last weekend it was our seventh wedding anniversary and we went camping with some friends. We go every year as they also celebrate their anniversary then too and it's nice for the kids to all see each other as we live over a hundred miles away. It was a full moon and the weather was pretty kind to us.

 

 

 

All in all it was a lovely weekend although it was quite busy!

 

It was also my birthday at the weekend and I turned the grand age of 35... I had mixed feelings about this. See my earlier blog post - becoming middle aged

However I am embracing it and had booked tickets to one of the Edinburgh Zoo late nights, which included; live music, a silent disco, different street food stalls, face painting?! and access to the Zoo enclosures at night to see the animals getting ready for their kip! It was a great night and I managed to get through it ok.

 

Unfortunately though after those viral infections that I'd had pretty much back to back, I didn't feel great in the lead up to it. On Friday afternoon, I had quite a high level of fatigue, itchy skin and burning eyes and as a result of not slowing down I have had the inevitable payback. The last few days I have been feeling more fatigued, irritable and have had to cut back on the exercise. I have had a terrible headache on and off, which fortunately is a symptom I don't get much now although I used to, and don't know whether it's due to the tail end of the virus or an ME symptom. Paracetamol has been working though and I have been drinking lots of water.

For my birthday I got a lovely picnic hamper from my husband and an anorak make up bag. From my friends, I got really nice jewellery, bath products and make up. Plus I got quite a bit of money - always a bonus!

Watching

I've managed to finish season two of 'Orange is the New Black' and I thought it was brilliant, far exceeding the first season. Can't wait for season three.

                                                                                             Image: Jill Greenberg 2013


I also watched the final episode of Fargo which I was a little bit disappointed with. I feel after the level of violence and 'on the edge of your seat' action, that the ending faltered a bit. Still worth a watch though.

                                                                                               Image: edgecastcdn.net

Wallender also came to an end this week. Such a great series, although I do find it requires a lot of concentration with the subtitles, especially watching it on catch up on the smaller computer screen. Apparently 540,000 people watched the finale though so I'm not the only one to have been enjoying it :)


That's been my week. A few ups and downs. but hopefully scaling the activities back means I'll be back to 'normal' soon! Hope you've all had a happy and healthy week.

ME Clinic - 3rd Appointment

I had my third appointment on Friday. I'm still completing my activity diaries and we talked about how I'm breaking my days up a bit better i.e. not having such big chunks of medium or high energy activities and am switching between mental and physical tasks. I'm definitely thinking more about what I'm doing during the day and prioritising what needs to be done and what can wait. I really notice my instant reaction to things that happen that are stressful and how my body and mind responds to them. My therapist spoke about how the body is often on 'high alert' in ME and sufferers reactions to stress are amplified, which I can really relate to. Pre-ME I would become nervous or stressed but now I feel like the slightest stress makes me feel quite disconnected, brainfogged and anxious which then leaves me feeling drained minutes, hours or days afterwards. It's funny though as most people who know me say that I never really look that distressed but I have a habit of internalising things..So to break that cycle I've learned that I need to delegate tasks to my other half so I'm not taking everything on, leaving things that don't need to be actioned straight away and practising more relaxation. I also need to stay in the moment and not start catastrophizing (I know I've slipped into CBT talk now....) I think that's where mindfulness would be really helpful.

We also chatted about exercise. I'm having to give up my yoga class due to moving house and the location of the class which is a real shame as I've been finding it very helpful. I'm on the lookout for another though and in the meantime have ordered the Beat Fatigue with Yoga DVD which I've used in the past and would recommend. The therapist has given me some stretches to do and if I get on ok with them then we'll look at some others at the next appointment. She's been adapting them to a yoga style which makes them a bit more interesting to do.

So until the next appointment the main focus is to be more zen like :)

                                                  Photo: taken at Lake Como September 2012

The stress of house hunting

I've been busy the last few weeks absorbed in the Breaking Bad boxsets which I have to say I'm loving! But aside from that we've also been house hunting. And we've gone full circle with our plans - we've decided to stay in Edinburgh!

A few months of job hunting up north has made us realise that although our family would be closer we are unlikely to get work up there. Or if we did it's likely it would be shift work and we would have to drop our wages as it's difficult to stay on the same band when you move to another NHS trust. Yes moving north meant the house prices would be cheaper, the schools are excellent but there are less amenities and opportunities and overall it seems like our quality of life wouldn't be so good. We've also built a life here in Edinburgh having been in the Lothians for the past twelve years and it would be tough to give that up...

 So we've started looking for properties. Edinburgh is not a cheap city to live in, especially when you're trying to get something in a good school catchment. But I think we can do it and the bonus is that where we are renting is already in a good catchment so there shouldn't really be too much pressure to move before August although in an ideal world...

 I have quite been stressed over these last few weeks and my ME has flared up at times. The whole process of buying, with the closing dates and being outbid, really gets to me and as a result I even missed a hospital appointment as I was so distracted -oops! I'd noticed I was feeling really irritable and feeling despondent as it reminded me of how difficult it had been back in the early 2000's when we were first time buyers and properties were going for well over the valuation.

 Luckily I recognised that feeling this way was not going to help my health and I can't risk having another relapse. I am a true believer in the saying 'what's for you wont go by you'. So I've been challenging my negative thoughts and worries about the future and I'm trying to focus on the present, practising mindfulness, and have started back at my yoga class. So although the process of searching for properties, viewing them and liasing with solicitors isn't the most relaxing, I recognise that I need to take everything a step at a time and keep grounded, not allowing myself to get caught up in the 'what if's and but's'. I've also signed up to 100 happy days which means I'm taking photos or making note of things that have made me smile each day. It's worth checking out!

 Hope you are all keeping well and stress free. I'm signing off now - back to Breaking Bad...

A realisation - becoming middle aged

I don't really like making new year's resolutions but I do have a guilty secret and that's compiling a list of things to do before I'm 40. I was thinking that I have a fair bit to go before that happens but then the other day I realised that I actually turn 35 in the summer. Eeek! I find that extremely hard to get my head around. Turning 30 was actually ok for me; I was pregnant, married, a house-owner, my health was stable and I had a job. So for me I felt I had achieved a lot of things I had wanted to do. It's entering the territory of 'middle aged' that scares me. It's stereotyping I know but the image I have in my head of someone middle aged is dowdy, dull and sensible. Far from what I believe I am and most of my friends the same age are (and in fairness most people who could be termed middle aged!). And I don't like labels and refuse to be boxed in by them, probably as much as I like to push against the label of ME/CFS! So I'm going to carry on as if I'm still 27 (this is the age in my head that I am stuck at). And although I haven't made resolutions for 2014, my main goal is to continue to be healthy, listen to my body and keep going with my meditation and yoga, as well as the practical - finding a new house!


I have a board on Pinterest that I'm using to collect all my ideas of what I would like to achieve before 40 (please check it out and follow me if you are on there):

• Write a short story
• Learn Spanish fluently - I did some night classes a few years ago but didn't keep it up
• Learn Guitar - I'm fairly musical anyway and did some chords in my teenage years but would like to brush up
• Go travelling - South America, The States - too many to name individually!
• Learn to dance to Northern Soul
• Have a vintage style makeover and photo shoot
• Go skinny dipping - I've done wild swimming while camping but never naked! 

I'm sure I will add to that list but for now its all about not putting too much pressure on myself, keeping my health stable and trying to be the best mum I can be. Next year my little boy starts school which is also going to be very traumatic for me! 

Do you have goals, dreams, aspirations? Even with a chronic illness that fluctuates I still feel I need to keep positive and aim high!